would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize