Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize