why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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