I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
