just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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