Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
