I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
