why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
