You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
