she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My hand turned me down
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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