my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
