Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
