You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
