Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
