Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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