If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize