Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
