im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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