Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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