You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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