This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want to make out with him forever
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
