How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
