Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize