What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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