I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
