Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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