weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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