so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
