In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize