U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Less talking, more tequila
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize