There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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