May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
