I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
