C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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