You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
