i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize