I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
