i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
