I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
