I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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