While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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