Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
