you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
please don't ironically join a cult
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