So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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