some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
