JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
