no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
