My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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