i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
