She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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