If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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