glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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