I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
