You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
