My first STD was from a foam party
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my being single is dangerous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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