you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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