Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
