she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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