ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
