You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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