Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found your dick twin last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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