Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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