FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
