Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
