and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
