That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
