How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
