My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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