Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
