I hate all girls vehemently.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
