well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
