chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
