Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
