My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
