theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
