can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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